The Homunculi's Lair
by Firebreathing Ghost
Summary: Oneshot, Mangaverse, Drabble. What mornings are like in the homunculi's lair.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything from the world of Fullmetal Alchemist, which is the sole property of Hiromu Arakawa-sensei.

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**The Homunculi's Lair**

"Dammit, Lust! Get out!" Envy angrily pounded on the bathroom door. It was early in the morning. Envy had just gotten up. Of course, being a homunculus, he didn't actually need to use the bathroom, but he wanted to fix his appearance.

"Wait your turn!" Lust snapped from the other side of the door. She stared into the mirror, admiring her reflection while combing her silky black hair.

"It _is_ my turn! You've been in there for twenty minutes!" Envy kept on pounding on the door.

"So what? You've spent whole mornings in here!" Lust rolled her eyes. Honestly, her little brother could be _so_ annoying sometimes.

"Get the hell out!" Envy kicked the door open. Lust gasped at his rudeness.

"What the hell is your problem?" she demanded, extending her long fingernails and slicing through his body. Blood burst out of him, but he healed in a matter of seconds.

"_My_ problem? _You're_ the one that's always hogging the bathroom!" yelled Envy.

"It's not easy being the embodiment of lust!" snapped Lust. "I _have_ to look good all the time! If you ever have to shoulder my burden, _then_ you can complain about how much time I spend in the bathroom!"

"Lust? Try representing envy sometime!" Envy flipped his hair. "_I_ have to look good, too! In fact, I probably have to look better than you do! I have to be beautiful, so other people will be jealous of me!"

"Beautiful? Yeah, right!" Lust laughed. "Everyone thinks that you're a cross-dresser!"

"Well, everybody thinks _you're_ an ugly old hag!" screeched Envy.

"We all know what your _true_ form is, palm tree head!" Lust retorted.

"Hag!" Envy spat out.

"Palm tree head!"

"Stupid hag!"

"Palm tree head!"

"She's got a point, you know," noted Greed, who had been observing the argument the whole time. He was hanging upside-down over a pot of boiling oil, a punishment for his latest misbehavior. Greed looked at Envy critically for a few moments. "Although you can't really be a cross-dresser if you're a hermaphrodite."

"Shut up or I'll throw you into the oil!" Envy turned around and snarled at him.

"Tsk, tsk. No respect for your elders," Greed crossed his arms and closed his eyes serenely to let Envy know he wasn't intimidated.

"Yeah! Be more polite!" Lust slammed the door shut in his face.

"Hey!" Envy resumed pounding on the door.

"If you need to use the bathroom so badly…" Sloth trudged by. "We have another bathroom…"

"No we don't! Gluttony had it for breakfast yesterday, you dimwit!" Envy hit him.

"Good morning!" at that moment, Gluttony ran down the hall, and stopped in front of the bathroom. He was chewing on something that looked suspiciously like someone's leg.

"Oh, no! Don't tell me you ate another prisoner!" Envy hit himself on the forehead.

"What?" Lust pulled the bathroom door open. When she saw the leg, she groaned as well. "Gluttony, how many times have we told you not to touch them?"

"We promised Father we'd stop you from doing that," agreed Envy. "Lust and I will get punished, since Father is already punishing Greed, and he never blames Pride for anything."

"Well, maybe it's not that bad. Maybe he only ate one?" Lust looked at Gluttony hopefully.

"Nope. I ate everyone in the room," Gluttony cleaned off the bone.

"_Why?_" Envy glared at Gluttony.

"I was hungry…" Gluttony looked at his older siblings apologetically. Lust and Envy sighed.

"We'll find some more prisoners. Maybe then, Father won't be too angry," suggested Lust.

"Only in your dreams!" Greed laughed from above them. "I'll see you over the boiling pot, soon, cross-dresser and hag!"

"Let's go right now," decided Envy, after giving Greed a hateful glare.

"Oh… I have to leave for work, too…" Sloth sighed. He despised his job.

"I'm going to my job as the Fuhrer!" Wrath joined his siblings. He was dressed in his blue uniform.

"We know. You don't have to brag about it every day," Envy, Sloth, Lust and Greed all rolled their eyes.

"All of you shouldn't act sore just because I'm the youngest, but got promoted the fastest," said Wrath.

"Who's acting sore, you little braggart?" Envy balled his fist and started towards Wrath.

"Stop." The seventh and final homunculus joined them. Pride was the oldest, and he usually stayed in the shadows. "Start behaving or I will report you to Father."

"That's what you always say, tattletale!" Envy barked in his direction. Lust and Greed voiced their agreement. However, all of them stood a little straighter when they saw their eldest sibling. They knew full well that he would, indeed tell on them. And they knew full well what their Father did to his children when they disobeyed his orders.

"Father didn't create you to stand around and talk," said Pride, staying in the shadows. "You know what you must do. Go."

The homunculi obeyed, heading for the exit. They soon reached outside, where the first beams of sunlight were shining down on Central. The siblings said their good-byes, and headed towards various directions to their various missions. Another day had begun for the homunculi.

**THE END**


End file.
